As time goes by...

Do you ever feel like, you aren't "you" anymore (not for the better)?  Then wonder, what changed you?  And why?  I really do believe that your experiences and how you handle them mold you into who you become or who you are. Lately, I have been feeling really convicted about my actions, probably more of my reactions. They're not good y'all and I don't know when or how I became this person that thinks so negatively and critical. So critical of other people and close-minded on how others act.  I know it's good that I have realized it but, man, I can seem to figure out how to stop it of change it. Years ago someone told me to stop being the victim. I think I did really well for a while and then...all of a sudden...here I am, te victim again.  Even knowing what Jesus did for me, the ilia te sacrifice I still struggle "oh poor me!"  It's even starting to come out in my closest friendships. Getting my feelings hurt easily and feeling sorry for myself. "How can a good friend, someone I trusted and opened myself up to, hurt me so?"  Blech!  Get over it. Super sensitive and pitty parties are ridiculous!!  I want to change but can't seem to change my stubborn brain!  I feel like I can track back my bitterness to a pretty big deal. It doesn't seem like a big deal but I really feel like the experience that developed this hard heart and bitterness was at Allstate. I had given so much time and heart into that job, all to be told (through actions not words) that all my heart and exceptional work was nothing. I would not advance into a position I was more than qualified for. Life is hard and unfair and it hurts. We don't necessarily understand why all the time. We need to learn from our experiences in a positive way and not allow them to create us into monsters. I rarely listen to my own advice. It's so easy to tell people what they should do but when it comes to you actually having to do it, I fail!  I let bitterness and a hardened heart drive so much in my life. Ministry, friendship, job to job. When will I take accountability that I am the way I am because I let an experience create a monster. Now here I am, 2 1/2 years later...how do I undo it all. How do I go back to being the person I was who believed good in people and my way isn't the only way. I'm not sure. I want to take what I've learned from the experiences and mold them into positive learnings.  Things I can learn to influence and lead in a positive light. Lord help me, help me flip this anger and butterness into love and obedience to find your desires for my life. Your desires for my experiences.