At a loss for words...really....(long lost blog lost in the drafts!)

So, I wanted to start this blog...kind of a way to work through my thoughts and emotions.  I usually do this through song and music, but I thought this would be neat....as you can see since my last blog was back in August, I have not done too well.  I will say I have started a new entry on a couple different occassions, but stopped because I didin't really have anything to say.  I know what you are thinking...Angela?  Has nothing to say??  Not possible...but I really wasn't sure what to say.  2011 ended with me on an emotional and spiritual roller coaster...and I'd like to add that the ride is not quite over...meaning....things are still a little fuzzy.  I feel like 2012 is really callenging me already....begging me to find out who I really am.  Who God wants me to be...  I feel like there are going to be a lot of changes for me this year.  I am struggling with time...as usual...but am anticipating that changing in less than 130 days when I finally graduate from college on May 12!!!  So psyched, but a little freaked at teh same time.  I don't really know what I am going to do with it.  Work is super fun right now throwing new projects at me every which way I turn.  I keep thinking ...finally...hard work pays off, but then I think, is this where God wants me.  I have no idea!  I have a struggle between spiritual and world!  I want to spend alll day with my family at church.  This sounds crazy but it seems like life would be so easy if we all lived in one giant community always together doing everything together.  Crazy I know...cult sounding...I KNOW!  BUT what do you do when you just love these people so much...I can't help but want to be around them all the time!  Then I am reminded that God needs us out there in the world to do the one thing we are here to do...tell people about his love.  It is so hard for me to separate the world....I think about the work that I do.  It doesn't have anything to do with God or His works.  The only thing I can find "spiritual" in my work is that in doing it, I show His love and His grace.  That is important and I don't want to make light of how my life could be used to bring someone to Christ, but I get confused so easily because I like work so much.  I could easily be a work-a-holic.  I am so good at it too...for the most part.  I mean, everyone's got their faults and short comings, but I am really good at looking at processes and analyzing them...and I really enjoy doing it.  All this time though I have been working towards MY goals...I wonder if now they are coming to reality to hold me back from something God has for me.  I feel like I have two people living inside me at times because I then think about working in the church full time, doing something businessy or adminish...just being there so much, makes me weep in excitement!  So who am I...Am I successful business woman with a degree and hopefully promising future in the processes I am so engulfed in or am I full time in the church, serving people, serving Christ.  THEN, incorporate Scott in it all...he wants to do his business full time which involves at least 2 other minitstries serving God.  I know some people think we just rent bounce houses, but for Scott....there is so much more to it.  For him it is a ministry to help churches focus on outreach and showing Christ's love to schools and back yard birthday parties.  Then to grow it to extend to servicing churches with their outreach and growing up Christian businesses creating accountability groups....toe ministry ideas just keep growing.  This is exciting to him and me!  To be able to use my business knowledge for my OWN business is awesome and to do it with my husband who I love and respect and admire so much would be awesome (in my singing voice)....anyway....so here I am Jan 2012...wondering what God has in store for me....but I am not seeking it.  I have broken my good Godly habits being too busy, too tired, my foot hurts, wa-wa-wa-wa-wa....I complain, I pout, I whine...and Praise the Lord...He continues to lift me up, talk to me, encourage me....and thank God...convict me.  Last week we started more of a routine with Abigail...come home, do your chores, homework, clean your room...daddy makes dinner; I come home and help finish up, we eat...clean up, get ready for bed, then...spend time with her.  It started because she was getting such a bad attitude and I was pretty sure she was just craving attention.  Today, I want to go even further and want you, all my many many readers lol...all 2 of you....to hold us accountable!  We pray before dinner, Abigail prays, but I want to commit that we will start to take turns.  It is important that our children practice praying but also to hear us and see our example more clearly.  Then instead of just playing games, which is what Abigail usually wants to do as we spend time together, I want to start using this book we bought more consistently.  It is a book with Bible lessons to do as a family.  THEN I want to start praying with her each night.  I was glad to start it today at the alter.  I need to be praying to be a godly woman, and my daughter need to see, hear, and pray for it too.