So I decided I might join this blog fad that is starting up. (Thanks Christi for the encouragement with your blogs ;) ) Will I continue it? Who knows. I just feel right now, that there are so many things inside me changing and battling that I feel that maybe, just maybe, if I "bloggit" I might be able to straighten some of myself out. I....pray...and it helps. I know Christ is there to guide me through my way...in a way...I feel like this is an extension of my prayers. For those who know me well...or even not well...they know I am an open book....so it won't be any surprises that I put my life in a blog. Here is my disclaimer though. I am not going to check my spelling or grammar. I am really not going to make sure I make sense he he he...for now, this is for me. My goal is to, right now, straighten out some thoughts and what better way then to journal them in a blog. So here I go:
I was 17 when I accepted Christ as my Saviour. I don't really remember understanding much about it, but I knew it was something I was lacking in my life. From there I went through ups and downs in my Christian walk and did not really ever have any true discipleship from anyone at first. Then there was Trinity Baptist Temple and the college and career clan...Joseph, John, Becky, Brandon, Jennifer, Aaron, Heather...I really enjoyed these times. There were lots of concerts, lots of deep discussions, lots of learning from Sal and lots of convictions from Bro. Woody. Although I was there...I am pretty sure I was caught up more in a relationship with people then with Christ. I did grow and I did develop a closer walk with Christ, but I am not sure I really invested in my relationship with Christ more than with the social time. Ten years pass and within those ten years I married, served in ministry as a youth leader's wife (not a very good one to that matter) and also became a mother. I was still very selfish. I did not seek God outside of a church service. I wanted to, but I did not want to put forth the effort to do so. So fast forward ten years....here I am, back at TBT...and loving it. Seeking God, probably for the first time in my life and I am beside myself. I am a control FREAK! I have listened to the word of God being preached and many times have even taught it myself. I would not call myself a baby Christian but I feel the work God is doing right now...really the fact that I am listening to Him ...I feel Him working....it is refreshing, it is joyful...it is...overwhelming. It is exhausting. The constant battle inside me to kill off the flesh...and let the spirit reign through me...is a lot of work. Work that is well worth it and like I said incredibly joyful and amazing. But what do you do with it. It is no secret that I am impatient. I am better then I used to be ...but the impatience still remains. I yearn to be in the presence of God continuously...and for the most part, I am. I wake up with Him on my mind, I drive to work...I start the work day with Him...then people come in to work. People I enjoy but with the people brings the hustle and bustle....which starts my extremely busy day. See, I am incredibly dedicated to working and to my job. I like working and I like my job...and although I make decisions and most of my actions reflect a love for God...I find myself ending the day, getting in my car and trying to figure out when I thought about God last. I don't like it. I want every minute of my day to be engulfed with thoughts of Him. So as I have been praying and will continue to pray for His guidance, my biggest fear is will I miss His message? If my desire is to be engulfed in Him every minute of the day...and I have a job that keeps me so engulfed in it...does that mean...to quit...or am I taking control again? So I guess I should have added in my disclaimer the warning of rambling that makes no sense...but remember this is just my blank piece of paper to get thoughts out in order to organize my brain. Another thing most people know about me is my OCD syndrome with organization and if my brain is a jumbled mess...well, I turn into a jumble mess. So I know the answers to all this is just more prayer and seeking ot God within His word, which I am dedicated to doing as well as, developing a much stronger relationship with the Lord. I have wonderful people in my life, Allison, Julie, Sarah, Mrs. Debi (Oh how I love her!), Mrs. Regina, to name just a FEW...I am so glad God brought us back to Trinity...I couldn't ask for a better place to be to grow in the Lord and have awesome discipleship! I love you guys and I thank God for Allison and Mrs. Jeanie Noble for the messages at the Women's Retreat and Sarah's encouragement as I cried helplessly out for a renewed relationship with Christ. maybe that is just it...maybe I am so emotional tonight because I am just so overwhelmingly thankful....
Praise God, Praise God....PRAISE GOD!
